Collision of Egos to Joy of Giving

While taking a glance through the “Times of India” this morning, I got curious when I saw some thing with a heading “Collision” in the regular space provided for the regular articles/columns on “The Speaking Tree“. Being into a profession which deals with the word – collision (Packet/Frame Collision) at-least 100 times a day, I could not hold my nerve to wait; read the entire article in a flash. The theme and overall presentation of the article was enough to provide the necessary thrust to my concious and sub-conscious mind and to come out of a collision between to write a post and not to write a post, occuring in my mind for the last couple of weeks.

In the world of networking, one condition for successful transmission and reception of packets lies on the fact that packets should be transmitted in a collision free environment. Of course, one will advocate that there are advanced techniques, which ensures successful decoding of packets even if there is a bit of collision between the transmitted packets. Yes it is true, but only when the collided packets have different energy, not every time.

Now coming to the theme of this article, there are strong good wills surrounded by broad vision and there are egos in our everyday life. When egos of different people collide with each other, then natural as well as unnatural problems arise, be at home or in work places. Problems of these kind can never be sorted out in general, or can never be overcome by a stronger ego over a lighter ego; rather get multiplied into many folds – can be fatal in some cases. In addition to this, with egos of high order, preservation of self image and self identity gets contaminated with stubbornness, selfishness, unwillingness to compromise, unwillingness to forget and forgive others; does not matter how small or big the preservation is. Unless the person differentiates between the ego and strong will, he/she runs into a vicious circle of the self and the other, me – mine and you – yours; resulting in no respite in/from life. To come out from the jaws of egos a strong will is required, and one who exhibits tolerance and endurance and power to vanquish or punish the opponent, should also choose to forgive and forget instead.

Like the use of various collision resolution mechanisms or collision avoidance and collision detection mechanisms in networking to increase the throughput and successful transmission/reception of packets, there are definite needs of collision resolution/avoidance/detection mechanisms in the case of egos. A strong will with a broad vision is of course needed as a collision resolution mechanism or a means to overshadow the ego or to transform the failures into success and problems into solutions. Some times, it is the sheer acceptance of the facts and a solution there after, required to bring some one from the trauma of so called destruction or failure.

In some sense, one can say that it is the joy of giving or joy of being with/for others or joy of recognizing a life with full of uncertainties or the joy of responding to a cause in the society. But, one can argue with intellect that how and why should I give or respond or recognize or compromise?, or why me? Yes, these are absolutely right questions? And, yes, it is true that no answer will completely satisfy the “self” or the “I“. Some time it becomes a matter of survival also; quite impossible to accept though. But, what else do we have to offer – a debate is certainly inevitable! But, don’t you think most of the problems resulted out of ego or stubbornness or selfishness can simply be solved by the above means. Some times the little smile on our face or a small thank you or excuse me does the wonder for the other and hence for the self.

The joy of giving is obviously not related to give some thing in kind all the time. One can experience the joy of giving by simply accepting some thing or putting our legs on their shoes or showing some interests related to some facts or recognizing a cause. This not only brings smile on many faces, but also brings a means to live; to bring some one out from frustrations, including ourselves. Just remember how many times you were frustrated because your achievements and efforts went unrecognised. Same thing happens with others too. Can’t we help them by simply recognizing their good works or by gifting them a smile or praising for their achievements? These things of course are free of cost; then what forces us not to give and not to enjoy!

Some says, do not believe strangers, and I say all my friends were strangers; and yours too :). But, then where does the enemy come from? Enemy was there, and it will be there, in the form of ego, hate, frustration, dis-interest, non-recognition and many more and within the self and the other. It comes, collides and destroys our families, relationships, work place and society in large and creates the wide distinction and differentiation between the self and the other.

Aamjunta, what do you think? – opting joy of giving! or colliding with egos 🙂

A strong personality exhibits tolerance and endurance. It has the power to vanquish and punish an opponent, but chooses to forgive and forget instead. When we are egotistical, on the other hand, we demonstrate our weakness by answering a pebble with cannon.

PS: Interested readers can browse the original article Collision of Egos, published in the Times of India, dated: 24th Aug, 2010.

12 Responses

  1. certainly i see light at the end of the tunnel; i was almost hopeless before. good work, i acknowledge.

    in this country, we acknowledge least, and we want over acknowledgement. awards and positions are distributed mostly in an unfair manner. and everywhere, we are busy with “aham” .

  2. Interesting though it may be this article fails to address the inner need of a person to want to reconcile and to give in. In a game if both go on and on the match will be a tie, one has to concede or more so in human relationships one counterpart has to concede. Stronger the egos longer do the battles/discords last. Time is another fact that the article fails to mention, in a time stripped world, a person has little time to put him/her self in the other persons shoes to come to terms with realities.
    Couple time constraints and egos, the combination is but a vicious one.

  3. It’s a good article aamjunta and seems aamjunta’s inclination towards philosophy and spiritualism is increasing.

    I have one comment and that has to do with equality. The basis of ego and collison of ego is equality and inequality. A person who has the luxury of excess (which may include money, friends or spouse) can afford to be dispassionate or learn the ‘joy of giving’. However, the person who has nothing, who is surviving on a one time meal or a complete psychological and financial breakdown may want to survive only on the basis of an ‘ego’ which is an integral part of her/his personality. I am not sure how spiritual such a person might become….

    The article as I can see from the number of comments pouring in has the capacity to encourage such a debate. I could not resist giving my comment in this context….

  4. “Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. ” – Kahlil Gibran

    Thank you sir for the wonderful article. We are delighted. As you rightly said, the joy of giving is enourmous, does not matter whether we give a smile or a million dollar.

  5. actually speaking.. people do not want to give any thing in general, so i guess, collisions will always be there. good write-up. write more. thanks

  6. Its a nice article ; good food for the mind where thoughts cross or puzzle modern man… Here are two very practical quotes by Colin Powell:

    1. “Look for intelligence and judgement and, most critically, a capacity to anticipate, to see around corners. Also look for loyalty, integrity, a high energy drive, a BALANCED ego and the drive to get things done.”

    2. “AVOID having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.”

    To elaborate a little further on Edmund’s remarks, I would like to mention about Maslow’s Pyramid. A “healthy” pride (fulfilled by self-respect and respect from others) is the essence of ego or self-esteem needs (a D-need). Unless the D-needs are fulfilled, a person cannot break the barrier to rise up the level of Self-actualization. This world-famous model of humanistic psychology has been further developed by researchers. We must quite understand these models to have a peaceful living at home and in the external world.

  7. This is the “joy of giving week”; give and enjoy.

    Celebrate with Sachin Tendulkar on Joy of Giving at:

  8. Thanks a lot Susanth, Edmund, Anne, Rajeev, Ryka and Anonymous (1 and 2).

    @susanth: yes, “aham” or “I” is some times the main reason for a failure in our society. However, “aham” or “I” is needed to survive in this competitive world. Nothing wrong on that though; but that should be not attached with a strong ego and stubbornness. It is better to accept the good, even if that belongs to our enemy.

    @Edmund: Yes, deliberately I did not touch upon the most important resource of our life – “time”. I was expecting this from a reader like you 🙂 and an aamjunta like you. Time is non-renewable and precious. What our current society needs is “quality time” – parents give to their kids, husband gives to his wife (and vice-versa), guide gives to his/her students … Most of our problems get solved the moment we start getting/giving time to others.

    Regarding the other point – I agree and dis-agree. Agree: ego or self-esteem is needed for survival, for a fighting or never die attitude. Dis-agree: Colliding with other ego even knowing the fault (might be ours) not at all leads to a healthy society. In this case, ego should be altered with a strong will and a broad vision.

    @Anne: Yes, comments are coming. Actually in reality the ego clashes most of the time. One has to take the threads of life which should be ideally free from excess – both in reality and dream.

    @Rajeev: Thanks for the quote; will write and keep writing.

    @Anonymous (1, 2): Yes, some time people do not want to give and some want to give; so a balanced state.

    @Ryka: Thanks. Wish the world free from all egos and clashes, be in Iraq or in Himalaya.

    Thanks to all my readers and to all “aamjunta”

  9. you are right! every one is here for his/her ego, and it is “me” everywhere, without any dedication/accommodation. but what surprised me, educated people like us does are the most into it; in politics, in games, in FAMILY and in everywhere… great article!

  10. Yes, you are right. It is the “aaham” that is the big culprit. And the pseudo…. is the driving force for all these activities. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  11. Excellent post. I certainly love this website.

  12. The Joy of Giving is unique!! One thing I thought to add here – give to the needy person – the value of the gift will be well understood and felt. Else, it will be an wastage!!

    Very well connected with the reality in life Aamjunta. Kudos 🙂

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